Stay calm

A few years ago I was in Harare, Zimbabwe to give church talks. After checking into my hotel, I took an afternoon stroll through the busy streets of the capital. One of the buildings in the city center caught my eye because of its architectural style. I was taking some photos when I suddenly heard someone yell, “Hey! Hey! Hey you there!” When I turned around, I looked straight into the angry eyes of a soldier. He was armed with a gun and was pointing it at me in anger. He then started poking my chest with the muzzle of his rifle and yelled at me, "This is a security area - it's forbidden to take photos here!" I was very shocked. A security area in the middle of the city? How could that happen? People stopped and stared at us. The situation was tense, but strangely enough, I wasn't afraid. I said calmly, "I'm sorry. I didn't know there was a security area here. I will take no more pictures.” The soldier's aggressive yelling continued, but the louder he shouted, the more I lowered my voice. Again I apologized. Then something amazing happened. He, too, gradually lowered his volume (and his gun!), changed his tone of voice, and listened to me instead of attacking me. After some time we had quite an enjoyable chat which eventually ended with him directing me to the local bookstore!

As I left and returned to my hotel, a well-known saying kept coming to mind: "A gentle answer stills anger" (Proverbs 1 Cor5,1). It was through this bizarre incident that I had seen the dramatic effect of Solomon's wise words. I also remembered saying a specific prayer that morning that I will share with you later.

In our culture it is not customary to give a mild answer - rather the opposite. We are pushed to "let our feelings out" and to "say what we feel". The Bible passage in Proverbs 15,1 seems to encourage us to put up with everything. But any fool can shout or insult. It takes a lot more character to treat an angry person with calm and gentleness. It's about being Christ-like in our daily life (1. John 4,17). Isn't that easier said than done? I have learned (and am still learning!) Some valuable lessons from dealing with an angry person and using a mild answer.

Pay it back to the other with the same coin

Is not that the case when you argue with someone, then the other will try to fight back? If the opponent makes cutting comments, then we want to trim him. If he screams or yells, then we scream even louder. Everyone wants to have the last word, land one final hit or put a final blow. But if we just go back our guns and try not to prove to the other that he is wrong and not aggressive, then the other often calms down quickly. Many disputes can become even more heated or defused by the type of response we give.

Wrongly placed trouble

I also learned that something is not always what we think when someone seems to be angry with us. The crazy driver who cut you off today did not wake up this morning with the intention of driving you off the road! He does not even know you, but he knows his wife and is mad at her. Coincidentally, you were just in the way! The intensity of this anger is often disproportionate to the significance of the event that led to its eruption. Common sense is replaced by anger, frustration, disappointment and hostility towards the wrong people. That's why we're dealing with an aggressive driver on the road, a rude cashier, or a screaming boss. They are not the ones they are mad at, so do not take their anger personally!

As man thinks in his heart, so is he

If we are to respond to an angry person with a gentle response, our hearts must first be right. Sooner or later our thoughts will usually be reflected in our words and behavior. The book of Proverbs teaches us that "the heart of a wise man is distinguished by clever speech" (Proverbs 16,23). As a bucket draws water from a well, so the tongue takes in what is in the heart and pours it out. If the source is clean, then so is what the tongue speaks. If it is unclean, the tongue will also speak unclean things. When our minds are polluted with bitter and angry thoughts, our knee-jerk reaction to an angry person will be harsh, abusive, and retaliatory. Remember the saying: “A gentle answer stills anger; but a harsh word excites wrath" (Proverbs 1 Cor5,1). Internalize it. Solomon says: “Keep them always before you and cherish them in your heart. For whoever finds them they bring life and are good for his whole body" (Proverbs 4,21-22 NGÜ).

Whenever we encounter someone who is angry, we have a choice in how we react to them. However, we cannot try to do this on our own and act accordingly. This brings me to my prayer announced above: “Father, put your thoughts in my mind. Put your words on my tongue so that your words become my words. In your grace help me to be like Jesus to others today.” Angry people show up in our lives when we least expect them. Be prepared.

by Gordon Green

Stay calm